


Kiss Me Hard Before You Go

by HardingHale



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angry Sex, F/F, Goodbye Sex, Goodbyes, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:02:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26904073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardingHale/pseuds/HardingHale
Summary: Jen's reaction to Judy's confession is one neither woman saw coming.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	Kiss Me Hard Before You Go

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I had this idea in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago and decided to write it. I have never written smut before so this is new territory for me. I hope it isn't too much of a disaster and you enjoy it! Thanks for reading!! :)
> 
> PS: I have reread this several times but I'm sure I missed some errors, so I apologize for that!

Jen swears she’s dead. 

She swears her heart has stopped beating and blood is no longer circulating her body. 

There’s a ringing in her ears unlike any other. Her eyes are blinded by an intense white light and her lungs feel like they’re collapsing. There’s a numbness in her body that she can’t explain.

This is it, this is the end. 

But then all her senses come back in such a quick motion it makes her dizzy. Bile rises in her throat, but she forces it back down. Her breath returns, accompanied by her hearing. The only sound is Judy pleading with her to say something, to tell her how she can fix it. 

Jen can think of a million things she wants to scream at Judy. She wants to tell her she’s a liar, a deceiving bitch. She wants to say how she trusted her, gave Judy her heart. But she doesn’t say anything.

Instead, she throws the blanket off of her lap and surges forward. Judy flinches, a normal reflex from being hit so many times in the past by Steve, her mother, and whatever man was staying with them for the week growing up. 

Jen doesn’t hit her, though. Judy waits for the sting, but it never comes. But Jen does touch her, just not in that way. Instead, it’s her hands softly resting on each side of Judy’s face, and her lips pressed against the brunette’s.

Judy’s eyes shoot open, confused at the reaction by Jen. 

The brunette pulls away. “What are you doing? I-I thought you’d be mad.”

Jen sets her jaw before responding. “Oh, I’m fucking furious,” she pauses and drops her eyes, “and hurt.” Judy’s heart shatters. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Jen more. “But I’ve been wanting to do this pretty much since the day I met you,” Jen kisses Judy again, deeply and a little rough, her hands gripping tightly onto the brown locks her fingers had slipped into. “So, I’m getting it in before I tell you I never want to fucking see you again.” There it is. There is the sting Judy was waiting for.

Judy lets tears fall from her eyes, knowing that after this moment, Jen will shut her out, kick her away, just like everyone else in her life. This ending hurts more than the others though. This one is like her heart leaving her body, leaving an emptiness worse that she thought she could ever feel. 

Judy had thought countless times about her and Jen kissing. Wondering if it would ever happen. She had wanted to kiss the blonde every day since they first spoke. She would dream about Jen’s lips on her own. 

This scenario never crossed her mind.

Judy opens her mouth to respond, but Jen cuts her off before she gets a chance. “No, you don’t get to speak.” Jen considers something for a moment and adds, “Unless you’re telling me to stop. Because I would never force you into anything.”

A small, sad smile cracks across Judy’s defeated features. Even through the pain and anger, Jen is taking care of Judy.

Judy hooks her arms around Jen’s neck and pulls her in. “I would never say no.”

In one swift motion, Jen is pushing Judy’s jacket off her shoulders and shifting the brunette so she’s laying longways on the lawn chair and the blonde is on top of her, straddling her. Jen takes her anger out on Judy’s clothing as she tears her dress off of her. It falls pitifully to the grass beside the chair. 

Jen leans down and captures the skin of Judy’s neck between her teeth, lightly nibbling before running her tongue over the sensitive flesh. There would definitely be an angry hickey there tomorrow. Judy lets it happen, knowing she deserves to be reminded in the morning of what she had done to Jen, of what she had lost. She tries not to focus on how good it feels to have Jen’s mouth on her, feeling guilty for enjoying the moment. 

There’s a brief pause of Jen’s lips just resting against Judy’s neck before they disappear and reappear lower on her body. As Jen peppers kisses down Judy’s stomach, she reaches up and unhooks the brunette’s bra. Judy quickly discards the garment somewhere on the lawn. 

Judy yelps slightly and grabs onto Jen’s hair, an involuntary reflex at feeling Jen’s teeth grip onto her panties. Judy lifts her head and looks down to see blue eyes looking up at her and teeth slowly dragging the black fabric down Judy’s legs. A moan rumbles its way from behind Judy’s lips and she bends her legs, allowing Jen to fully remove her panties. Once they’re gone, Jen sits back up and stares down at the woman below her. She licks her lips and aggressively shoves Judy’s thighs open. This time, she is the one to release a moan at the sight of the glistening wetness between Judy’s legs.

Jen hooks her hands under Judy’s thighs, pushes them up, and spreads the brunette’s legs wider. Before she knows it, Judy is throwing her head back as she feels Jen’s warm tongue flatten against her clit. Her fingers grip onto the cushion underneath her as Jen’s tongue goes to work running through the wetness between Judy’s lips. Jen flicks Judy’s clit which elicits a moan so loud the blonde has to stop and quiet her with a kiss. 

“Do NOT wake up my neighbors,” Jen growls in Judy’s ear.

Judy whimpers and arches her back, pressing her body into Jen, trying to get the blonde to touch her again. Jen notices the desperation and chooses this moment to abandon Judy’s body completely. She climbs off of her and for the first time takes a look at Judy’s body--actually looks. Judy stares back at Jen and blushes.

“It’s fucking annoying how beautiful you are.” As quickly as Jen’s tiny bit of softness comes through, it's gone again, replaced by her angry and hurt expression. 

Jen gets back to the task at hand, pushing her sweatpants and panties down and stepping out of them once they reach her ankles. She would usually be embarrassed at her poontang not being prepared, but she never thought she’d have a reason to be again. Plus this is Judy, the woman who only ever made Jen feel good about herself. She remembers the night at the grief retreat when Judy was going to have sex with Nick and wasn’t prepared. She remembers feeling jealous that she wasn’t the one getting to be with Judy. Jen pushes away the feelings of nostalgia and old want. Now is not the time to think about all the chances the two had to be together. Judy lied about it all. None of it matters anymore.

Judy had watched before as Jen disrobed the bottom half of her body, but notices she doesn’t move to take her shirt off. She didn’t realize she could be crushed anymore than she already was. Her heart breaks for Jen’s insecurities when it comes to the upper half of her body. 

The brunette sits up and reaches out for Jen’s hand, gently intertwining their fingers. She half expects Jen to pull away, knowing the only reason they’re doing all this in the first place is because the blonde is angry. She doesn’t believe Jen wants the touchy-feely parts to go along with it. But Jen doesn’t pull away, so Judy tugs her back onto the chair.

Jen positions herself in between Judy’s legs, which are spread and dangling off the edges of the chair. She leans in and captures the brunette’s lips. Jen’s right hand goes to Judy’s throat and pushes her into the chair, marginally tightening her grip. Judy begins to panic slightly but just when she worries this was Jen’s plan all along, to hurt her, strangle her, the hand disappears and trails down until it cups one of Judy’s breasts, all the while Jen never stops kissing her. Jen rolls a nipple between her fingers before replacing them with her mouth--Judy hums in response. The blonde’s hand continues lower, feeling Judy’s stomach muscles twitch as she ghosts over the tanned skin. Her fingers find the patch of hair between the brunette’s legs and smirks when she finds that the wetness hasn’t stopped building. Judy moans when she feels one of Jen’s fingers enter her and squeaks when the pad of Jen’s thumb brushes over her clit. Judy’s legs begin to quiver as Jen picks up the pace. Jen watches in fascination, and satisfaction, as Judy’s face contorts with pleasure. Judy bites her lip to keep from releasing a moan that would for sure earn another reprimanding from Jen.

The blonde inserts another finger and this time Judy is unable to stop the noises from escaping her lips. Jen leans forward and catches the brunt of the sound with her own mouth. Judy’s hips lift off the chair, matching Jen’s pace as she brings the brunette closer to the edge. 

But through her ecstasy, Judy begins to feel guilty for Jen pleasing her when it should be the other way around. She thinks about how Ted was afraid to touch Jen after her surgery and wants desperately to make the blonde feel good, even just for the little time they are spending with each other. 

Judy climbs forward so she is resting on Jen’s lap and maneuvers her hand between their bodies until it lands just above the tuft of hair. She looks into Jen’s eyes and gets lost in the fire within them. Jen hungrily kisses her again, giving Judy the go-ahead to move lower. Judy takes the instruction and thrusts two fingers into the wetness. Jen groans in pleasure. She won’t deny how good it feels to have another person touch her again. She’s embarrassed at how close she already feels, but fuck, it has been so long. 

The other woman kisses Jen’s jaw and down her neck, running her free hand along the hemline of Jen’s shirt. Her fingertips slip under the security of the fabric and gently dance across the skin of Jen’s stomach. Jen breaks their kiss and looks down at where Judy’s hand rests underneath her shirt. Jen’s hand that was buried between Judy’s legs stills as the blonde tries to control her breathing. Judy’s hips involuntarily wiggle slightly at the loss of movement, attempting to keep the friction going. Judy starts to slide her hand out from underneath Jen’s shirt, but a hand grabs onto her wrist and stops her. 

“Just…” Jen breathes out. “Give me a minute.”

Judy extracts her fingers from within Jen and uses her mouth to clean them off. The act is enough to make Jen’s mouth fall open and a fresh wave of arousal rush through her. 

With her now freshly cleaned hand, Judy tucks the hair that had fallen into Jen’s face behind her ear.

“Take all the time you need,” Judy says sweetly. 

Jen pushes every bad thought aside, every terrible thing Ted said or made her feel, the confession Judy had just released, and lets herself have this. She looks at Judy as the woman that she had clung to so quickly, not the one who just hurt her more than she could ever imagine. She sees her as the sweet sunshine that always made her feel loved. The blonde withdrawals her digits from Judy’s wetness, which makes the brunette whimper, and removes her shirt. She hears a noise come from Judy and realizes she had squeezed her eyes shut, too afraid to witness Judy’s reaction. Judy sighs and Jen allows herself to open her eyes. She’s met with a blank-faced and silent Judy. 

Jen feels her face heat up and realizes just how bad of an idea this whole thing is. She realizes that Ted was right, she is disgusting. Jen holds back every emotion as she moves to put her shirt back on.

But then Judy opens her mouth and reaches out to delicately trace her fingers over the scars on Jen’s chest.

“You’re so damn beautiful,” Judy marvels. 

Judy’s words, and the way she is looking at her, instills a sort of confidence Jen didn’t know she could ever have again. She reaches around and grabs onto Judy’s ass, pulling the other woman flush against her body.

“Judy.”

The brunette looks up through her bangs to lock eyes with Jen.

“Yes?” She stammers at the huskiness in Jen’s voice and the lust in her eyes.

“I need you to fuck me.”

Judy gulps before leaning Jen back and wasting no time making her way down the blonde’s stomach and positioning her head at Jen’s center. 

“Judy, I swear to God,” Jen growls and pushes down on the brown locks until she feels Judy’s mouth on her. “Fuck,” Jen moans upon contact. 

With Judy’s tongue working magic, it doesn’t take long for Jen to get close to climax. With every dip and suck, Jen sees even more stars and moans a little harder. 

When Jen feels like she won’t last much longer, she stops Judy.

“Come here,” Jen says. 

They both sit up and scoot in close, back to the position they had previously settled into.

“Did I do something wrong?” Judy asks worriedly.

Jen shakes her head, “Just shut up,” she responds and guides Judy’s hand to where her mouth just was as she runs her fingers down to the same place on Judy’s body. 

They enter each other at the same time and quickly match one another’s pace. Their moans mingle together and Jen is sure her neighbors can hear them, but she doesn’t care anymore. Jen puts her anger and love into every thrust. She can’t believe that she is currently fucking the woman who simultaneously put her back together and destroyed her--the woman she thought she would spend forever with. 

They fall over the edge together, moaning each other’s names.

Jen swears she’s dead. 

A bright white light flashes through her eyes and the air leaves her lungs. 

She has never felt an orgasm quite like this. She would like to think it’s because she hasn’t had another person touch her in what feels like ages, but she knows that it’s Judy that caused her body to explode in the most intense pleasure she has ever experienced. 

Judy.

She lifts her forehead from the one opposite hers and every moment that led to them fucking on the lawn chair attacks Jen’s mind.

Judy killed Ted. Judy lied about everything. Judy tricked not only her, but her boys as well. Judy let her fall in love and tore her apart. 

Judy looks up with a soft smile, but when she meets Jen’s gaze, all happiness falls from her face. 

“Jen…” Judy pleads softly, still trying to get Jen to let things between them be okay. 

But they can never be okay again.

Jen pushes Judy away from her and gets up, grabbing the blanket from earlier and wrapping it around her naked body. She peers down at Judy who looks at her with those wide brown eyes pleading at Jen to not walk away. Jen leans down and kisses Judy hard one last time. She leaves, then, without another word and without looking back, not even bothering to gather her clothes. Judy turns quickly and watches Jen’s retreating form, letting her world fall apart as she hears the lock of the back door. She shivers, not from the cold air against her naked body, but with the realization that this was their first time together and it would be their last.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to thank you again for reading!! Please leave comments if you feel like it! I love reading them and appreciate every single one!


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